There are times, when my heart was so burdened,
And as I tried to seek for people,
They eventually turned me down.
The heaviness was still there, suffocating.
The lump stuck in my throat,
until I feel like if someone poke me enough, I would let it out, involuntarily.
But not much person actually poke even a bit,
so that's how everything was buried, including myself.
There are peoples whom previously I cared so much.
Whom I was deeply concerned and was always ready to lend my hand, ears, eyes.
But now I can't even stay for few seconds when I met their eyes to ask how they're doing.
I'm deeply apologize.
For not having those strength as I'm not doing well by myself.
Indeed I took quite some time to understand the nature of this life.
How a mother's love could be so painful to deal with,
How a brother's so called love could be full of hatred.
How seeing other people happiness could bring tears of joy as well as sadness in my heart.
How a person heart can be as hard as stone,
Until after I know them in person, then I realized how dangerous an evil is
And how a man whom previously a stranger,
could sincerely stepped in to bear with this broken woman,
and being a part of it.
Things that we desire are meant to be with us,
Only when He made it that way.
Then why we kept demanded a fate that was not for us ?
We need to stop insisting, and start accepting.
And wait patiently.
With a beautiful patience.
Only if we know how Allah has swayed us away from the edge of fire,
then surely we would be grateful despite all those sufferings, loneliness, tiredness we had gone through.
Soon you might be a doctor, insyaAllah.
And might be more than that, biidznillah
I don't know how this could be a blessings because I'm starting to hate this field.
But it could be.
Indeed it could be a blessings with Allah's will
Because bearing a wound inside your heart,
would allow you to be aware of other people's pain.