Little caliph

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

I've been thinking whether I should, but its quite tempting for me to write about this, which is about the presence of a new little caliph.

Yes, here's a new little caliph is growing inside my uterus, 

subhanallah, wa alhamdulillah ❤👶 :')

I did my pregnancy test quite early, about 12 days post ovulation day and there was a sudden very faint test line appeared. I feel deeply grateful, saying alhamdulillah for countless times and even cried subconciously. Although it was a faint line, I know its positive because I have been testing upt a few times before and there was never any double line appeared until this time. Alhamdulillah.

Before I continue, I am hopeful that anyone who read this would not feel anything negative, and I'm apologize if I'm overreacted or something. Only Allah and myself knew, how much I wish to be given a chance to be a murobbi for my own children and I prayed that everyone who is hopeful to be given this opportunity as well insyaAllah :)


For me, the feeling is overwhelmingly grateful because I don't feel like getting pregnant is easy like you'll definitely be pregnant after married. No, it's isn't, its actually a miracle of the Creator. Some people may just easily get it but it's not the case for everyone. Allah has an accurate timing for every couples, insyaAllah. I have seen many deep sorrows of subfertile couples, agonizing sadness of women with stillbirth, miscarriages, and countless unfortunate events regarding pregnancy things.

And being imperfect me, Its hard for me to trust myself. My efforts and tawakkal were highly laid to Him, the Creator. I have quite an irregular menses, dysmenorrhea in each cycle, and a doctor who once scanned me previously told me that I have a retroverted uterus which was sometimes (but quite rarely) linked with difficulty in conceiving.


From this I learnt that in whatever we wish to have, despite our knowledges, our imperfections, and our great efforts, do ask Allah to make it easy for us and do not lose hope :')

Being a murobbi should be one of our target throughout our lives. In fact, its a must. Previously when I was in my university, I was given chances to be a naqeebah for almost 8 years. While now, I don't even have a proper usrah yet on my own since after graduated. If you have the same experiences of being a murobbi, then you will know how lacking it is to not be able to do so. Its not because you don't have a jawatan, position in jemaah or whatsoever, but its because of the lack of the responsibilities which would slowly drag down your self-improvement efforts.


And I remembered ustaz Ir Faridul once told us, a murobbi is not merely for halaqah or usrah, but one of the ultimate outcome for our training as a murobbi is actually to make us ready for our own children's tarbiyyah in baitul muslim. Thus never despair whenever we see ourselves lacking as a murobbi in any means, because Allah is preparing us for something greater insyaAllah. Like one of the sahabah once said, if you are sincere to Allah, He would show the meaning of your intentions.

I pray to Allah, so that this blessings would make me and my husband a better muslim, growing our inner faith and taqwa, and ultimately to build a family that could serve the religion and ummah. Amiin.

SOPD stories (1)

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

I tried to spend some time writing, as a warm up. Somehow unfortunately I need to take MUET examinations next months, which is very bothersome or else my university would never let me hold my MD scroll.

I was angry and deeply disappointed at first, but in the end after countless appealing, I accepted it as it is to keep my mind at peace. There's no use in fighting, when the other sides does not wish to help you through. 

Just to make it clear, previously I took IELTS as required by by sponsor and passed with a good band. When later I was placed into UKM-UNPAD, the admin never told me that I need MUET in order to graduate in UKM. And now they are forcing me to sit for the exam just to complete the procedure.

Already 'melalut' from the real topics. hu.

.

So few weeks ago I bought a new book :)

Its about an experience of a caregiver, who has taken care of his beloved father in law, his biological father and his wife when they was diagnosed with cancer.

Somehow, I feel like I need to read this book to help me deals with my anxiety about cancer. 5 days before our solemnization, I noticed a lump in my left breast. About 2x2 cm, round, mobile, with smooth surfaces.

My knowledges told me that it is a fibroadenoma, but my emotions told me that I might have breast cancer. May Allah forbid. One week later after coming back from our vacation I went to Klinik Kesihatan for a checkup, because I can't just let this thing undiagnosed. 

For a follow up, I chosed SOPD in Hospital Muar although its quite far compared to Melaka GH because I need to enter this hospital first and 'lawat kawasan' before being firm about choosing it in my E-Houseman soon. And ya, as expected HPSF is less crowdy, but its really far from my house. After visiting there as a patient, I felt more reluctant because I hate to think that I need to travel 45 min -1 hour daily for one way. Coming back and forth, it would be almost 2 hours.

Alhamdulillah alaa kulli hal. Everything comes for a reason.

Then its my turn to experience the classic triple assessment for my breast lump. One day before I went for my FNAC, I googled to read other people experiences that made me felt so scared. Can't even sleep well as I imagine how painful the procedure would be. I have experiences seeing the procedure in HUKM as well and as far as I can remember, the patients were in pain.

Now I understand why it is important for a caregiver to understand what the patient feels. In the book that I read, Dr. Azlan has been excellent in managing her wife anxieties. He took care of everything and blew away all worries to ease the burden of his wife. He acted as a genuine caretaker. A genuine caretaker is the very close trusted person who is ready to take charge of everything. They not merely a person who act as a guardian, but he/she is the strength, a person who can't fall sick in any ways, a person who would sacrifices because they are afraid of losing someone dear to them.

Thus for my husband to spend his time with me I felt grateful alhamdulillah. At least I'm not going there alone, succumbed in my fear and anxiety. 

And the FNAC was not that painful. The procedures went well, I was poked only once and although the doctor needs to move around the needle here and there I did not felt much pain. The samples were adequate and I don't have much bleeding either. Alhamdulillah.

Its indeed true that fear can come to us without boundaries. Its only depend to us on how to control and limit it in order to have the strength. Hoping for a good news insyaAllah, regarding the samples taken. To have a slight thought about cancer is indeed frightening for those who experiences it :(

The book above did explain this kind of feelings. They experienced fears, but keeping it under control allowed them to move on and acted quickly in the most reasonable way to counter the time they have lost during the period when the cancer was not yet diagnosed. 3 Cancers in 10 Months give some insights about time. Looking at how the author cope with a tight time management while being a caretaker make me realize how much a desperation can move us. Inside and out.

Tenang ~

Looking forward to update soon, insyaAllah :')

Housewife.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Now I have a vegetables background in this blog.

:)

Since we moved in to our new house, I have become a full time housewife. Thus vegetables suit me well for the time being. 

Not funny ^^'

Alhamdulillah alaa kulli hal.

Someone had told me before, if you want to become 'someone' capable of something, you may not need to wait until you feel that you are ready. The process of doing will teach you the most, insyaAllah.

Like me and cooking~ hu

My husband has been suffering I guess.^^

After we married, we went for a short vacation before coming back to my parents in law house where we stayed for one week. Being a new person in the house, I was clueless of what to do. Hu.

Everytime my mother in law (Mak) went to the kitchen to cook, I would be there to 'menyibuk', trying to help her (I wished I did) in my blurriness. I told her sincerely, 

"Mak, Na tak pandai masak sangat sebenarnya. Selalunya kalau masak Na tengok resipi.." I laughed at myself.

"Takpe, yang penting ada usaha nak mencuba nanti lama-lama pandai tu." She replied.

Since then, everytime I accompanied her in the kitchen she will explain in particular what she's doing and how to cook the dishes. Mak has been so helpful alhamdulillah. When I can't help much with the cooking, I'll washed the dishes just to keep her company. 


I don't know Mak in person, nor I know anyone else in the family closely but being a part of a new family made me realize that the more I opened my heart sincerely to love, the more love I received. Like how I did dakwah fardhiah to adik-adik previously, in the beginning it's always hard but worth a try especially for an important person (mad'u) isn't it ?

As long as we do it sincerely for Allah, we'll see the goodness in everything.

Many more to come, many more to learn,

May Allah ease this journey of mitsaqan ghaliza, insyaAllah.

:')