16th of Ramadhan
I really hope that I could end this as soon as possible.
Whenever I saw other people doing so many of good things, doing da'wah, charity, ibadah, spending time with people etc, I hope that I can be a part of it.
They are doing great, while i am struggling.
Struggling with my studies, my health, my family conflicts, my internal conflicts, my imaan.
Many times I broke down in my salah and dua', and I asked Allah to ease the heaviness in my heart.
From Asmaa Hussein,
"As humans, we are often unable to apply different characters at one moment. For example, in the moment of anger we may not able to be merciful. When in love, we can be unjustly biased.
Allah s.w.t is the opposite. He is all of His beautiful names and attributes at once. He never ceases being merciful, even when He is angered. He never ceases being just, even if it is against those He loves.
While I have been given a painful trial, I understand that Allah gave it to me out of His mercy."
The prophet s.a.w said,
"No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but Allah will expiates some of his sins for that."
You just can't give up.
We often ask for His forgiveness.
But one thing that we tend to forget, is to forgive ourself.
To be patient with our own weaknesses and make peace with our own heart is as important as making peace with others.
Sometime i really did not realizes, by making a war in the inside, i'm burning every pieces of it that actually could heal.
You just need to be patient with the healing process.