Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Little caliph

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

I've been thinking whether I should, but its quite tempting for me to write about this, which is about the presence of a new little caliph.

Yes, here's a new little caliph is growing inside my uterus, 

subhanallah, wa alhamdulillah ❤πŸ‘Ά :')





I did my pregnancy test quite early, about 12 days post ovulation day and there was a sudden very faint test line appeared. I feel deeply grateful, saying alhamdulillah for countless times and even cried subconciously. Although it was a faint line, I know its positive because I have been testing upt a few times before and there was never any double line appeared until this time. Alhamdulillah.

Before I continue, I am hopeful that anyone who read this would not feel anything negative, and I'm apologize if I'm overreacted or something. Only Allah and myself knew, how much I wish to be given a chance to be a murobbi for my own children and I prayed that everyone who is hopeful to be given this opportunity as well insyaAllah :)


For me, the feeling is overwhelmingly grateful because I don't feel like getting pregnant is easy like you'll definitely be pregnant after married. No, it's isn't, its actually a miracle of the Creator. Some people may just easily get it but it's not the case for everyone. Allah has an accurate timing for every couples, insyaAllah. I have seen many deep sorrows of subfertile couples, agonizing sadness of women with stillbirth, miscarriages, and countless unfortunate events regarding pregnancy things.

And being imperfect me, Its hard for me to trust myself. My efforts and tawakkal were highly laid to Him, the Creator. I have quite an irregular menses, dysmenorrhea in each cycle, and a doctor who once scanned me previously told me that I have a retroverted uterus which was sometimes (but quite rarely) linked with difficulty in conceiving.


From this I learnt that in whatever we wish to have, despite our knowledges, our imperfections, and our great efforts, do ask Allah to make it easy for us and do not lose hope :')






Being a murobbi should be one of our target throughout our lives. In fact, its a must. Previously when I was in my university, I was given chances to be a naqeebah for almost 8 years. While now, I don't even have a proper usrah yet on my own since after graduated. If you have the same experiences of being a murobbi, then you will know how lacking it is to not be able to do so. Its not because you don't have a jawatan, position in jemaah or whatsoever, but its because of the lack of the responsibilities which would slowly drag down your self-improvement efforts.


And I remembered ustaz Ir Faridul once told us, a murobbi is not merely for halaqah or usrah, but one of the ultimate outcome for our training as a murobbi is actually to make us ready for our own children's tarbiyyah in baitul muslim. Thus never despair whenever we see ourselves lacking as a murobbi in any means, because Allah is preparing us for something greater insyaAllah. Like one of the sahabah once said, if you are sincere to Allah, He would show the meaning of your intentions.

I pray to Allah, so that this blessings would make me and my husband a better muslim, growing our inner faith and taqwa, and ultimately to build a family that could serve the religion and ummah. Amiin.














Sunday, February 18, 2018

SOPD stories (1)

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

I tried to spend some time writing, as a warm up. Somehow unfortunately I need to take MUET examinations next months, which is very bothersome or else my university would never let me hold my MD scroll.

I was angry and deeply disappointed at first, but in the end after countless appealing, I accepted it as it is to keep my mind at peace. There's no use in fighting, when the other sides does not wish to help you through. 

Just to make it clear, previously I took IELTS as required by by sponsor and passed with a good band. When later I was placed into UKM-UNPAD, the admin never told me that I need MUET in order to graduate in UKM. And now they are forcing me to sit for the exam just to complete the procedure.

Already 'melalut' from the real topics. hu.

.

So few weeks ago I bought a new book :)



Its about an experience of a caregiver, who has taken care of his beloved father in law, his biological father and his wife when they was diagnosed with cancer.

Somehow, I feel like I need to read this book to help me deals with my anxiety about cancer. 5 days before our solemnization, I noticed a lump in my left breast. About 2x2 cm, round, mobile, with smooth surfaces.

My knowledges told me that it is a fibroadenoma, but my emotions told me that I might have breast cancer. May Allah forbid. One week later after coming back from our vacation I went to Klinik Kesihatan for a checkup, because I can't just let this thing undiagnosed. 

For a follow up, I chosed SOPD in Hospital Muar although its quite far compared to Melaka GH because I need to enter this hospital first and 'lawat kawasan' before being firm about choosing it in my E-Houseman soon. And ya, as expected HPSF is less crowdy, but its really far from my house. After visiting there as a patient, I felt more reluctant because I hate to think that I need to travel 45 min -1 hour daily for one way. Coming back and forth, it would be almost 2 hours.

Alhamdulillah alaa kulli hal. Everything comes for a reason.

Then its my turn to experience the classic triple assessment for my breast lump. One day before I went for my FNAC, I googled to read other people experiences that made me felt so scared. Can't even sleep well as I imagine how painful the procedure would be. I have experiences seeing the procedure in HUKM as well and as far as I can remember, the patients were in pain.

Now I understand why it is important for a caregiver to understand what the patient feels. In the book that I read, Dr. Azlan has been excellent in managing her wife anxieties. He took care of everything and blew away all worries to ease the burden of his wife. He acted as a genuine caretaker. A genuine caretaker is the very close trusted person who is ready to take charge of everything. They not merely a person who act as a guardian, but he/she is the strength, a person who can't fall sick in any ways, a person who would sacrifices because they are afraid of losing someone dear to them.

Thus for my husband to spend his time with me I felt grateful alhamdulillah. At least I'm not going there alone, succumbed in my fear and anxiety. 

And the FNAC was not that painful. The procedures went well, I was poked only once and although the doctor needs to move around the needle here and there I did not felt much pain. The samples were adequate and I don't have much bleeding either. Alhamdulillah.

Its indeed true that fear can come to us without boundaries. Its only depend to us on how to control and limit it in order to have the strength. Hoping for a good news insyaAllah, regarding the samples taken. To have a slight thought about cancer is indeed frightening for those who experiences it :(

The book above did explain this kind of feelings. They experienced fears, but keeping it under control allowed them to move on and acted quickly in the most reasonable way to counter the time they have lost during the period when the cancer was not yet diagnosed. 3 Cancers in 10 Months give some insights about time. Looking at how the author cope with a tight time management while being a caretaker make me realize how much a desperation can move us. Inside and out.


Tenang ~



Looking forward to update soon, insyaAllah :')




















Thursday, February 1, 2018

Housewife.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Now I have a vegetables background in this blog.

:)

Since we moved in to our new house, I have become a full time housewife. Thus vegetables suit me well for the time being. 

Not funny ^^'

Alhamdulillah alaa kulli hal.

Someone had told me before, if you want to become 'someone' capable of something, you may not need to wait until you feel that you are ready. The process of doing will teach you the most, insyaAllah.

Like me and cooking~ hu



My husband has been suffering I guess.^^


After we married, we went for a short vacation before coming back to my parents in law house where we stayed for one week. Being a new person in the house, I was clueless of what to do. Hu.

Everytime my mother in law (Mak) went to the kitchen to cook, I would be there to 'menyibuk', trying to help her (I wished I did) in my blurriness. I told her sincerely, 

"Mak, Na tak pandai masak sangat sebenarnya. Selalunya kalau masak Na tengok resipi.." I laughed at myself.

"Takpe, yang penting ada usaha nak mencuba nanti lama-lama pandai tu." She replied.

Since then, everytime I accompanied her in the kitchen she will explain in particular what she's doing and how to cook the dishes. Mak has been so helpful alhamdulillah. When I can't help much with the cooking, I'll washed the dishes just to keep her company. 


I don't know Mak in person, nor I know anyone else in the family closely but being a part of a new family made me realize that the more I opened my heart sincerely to love, the more love I received. Like how I did dakwah fardhiah to adik-adik previously, in the beginning it's always hard but worth a try especially for an important person (mad'u) isn't it ?

As long as we do it sincerely for Allah, we'll see the goodness in everything.

Many more to come, many more to learn,

May Allah ease this journey of mitsaqan ghaliza, insyaAllah.

:') 






Friday, January 12, 2018

Trust and Dua'

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Really, it has been quite some time. 

Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal. For these past few months, too many things has happened and being thankful is what I felt the most.




A cute sister traped this bear for me πŸ‘―❤


After passing my pro exam, I felt like half of the burden in my chest were lifted. My experiences in pro exam long case was painful that I hardly believe I survived T__T.

I have not much words to describe this. It was just a very deep dissappointment. 

I got a case that I've never expected and not studied for a long case. I asked Allah truly at that moment, why did You gave me this ya Rabb..? **crying**

Surely He knows best. I knew it. I just need some comfort to keep moving. hu.

The case was simple but peculiar for a long case. I got a case of hemorrhoids at that time where the history focused on chronic per rectal bleeding. To learn something from this, I could suggest to keep in mind that for undergraduate, focus on differential diagnosis first. The patient clearly told me the diagnosis but as a candidate, just rule out everything in the history taking especially malignancy and keep thinking for other possibilities.

I was devastated because I missed some points in the history and I don't know in detail about the management of hemorrhoids in colorectal specialty. But then, I realized that the definitive management was not everything in the marking scheme. The basic management in emergency, and basic management of the case counted in most of the marks. 
.
.
After all, in exams we can't comfort ourselves properly as usual. hu

When waiting for my short case just a few hours later, I barely able to focus. Almost breaking down with tears and I'm not sure how actually I managed to endure. I looked at my tremendous notes and whispered a prayer in desperation,
.

"Allah, please give me something that I'm capable of doing. Truly I can't remember everything that I've learnt. Its too much that I almost giving up. I'm holding on for this very last sessions to do my best, with a pounding heart, with this wounded heart, just because I believe that You will help me. I'm in need and to only You I'm asking."
.

Desperate, indeed.

I believed that at that moment Allah is testing me. He put me in those unexpected situations despite all the hard work brcause he want to see how far I put on my tawakkal towards Him. I experienced this 'al-khauf', in which I could'nt describe how it actually felt.

Exhausted and redha,
I surrender to Allah.
.

He is Just, and Fair. 







And in the end I passed, with a clear pass. Short cases were easier and every station passed almost smoothly. Alhamdulillah.

Events passed, but the tarbiyyah would remain forever. This was not the first time I experienced such a desperate moment, but everytime I would need strengths and enhancements for my Imaan in order to go through difficult moments.

These collections of tarbiyyahs would be my reminder every time I feels like giving up, whenever I feels worthless insyaAllah. That's why I need to write about this, somehow :) My memories can't keep things in line when I'm devastated but my own writing has been helping myself a lot alhamdulillah.
.

All the best to the juniors, my friends and akhawat :') They always did a better work, having a deeper hamasah and being a better version of ikhwah wa akhawat alhamdulillah. I keep my prayers, for those going to face imtihan this year. Soon. 



Sunday, July 9, 2017

Taaruf

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

9 Julai, setahun yang lalu.

:')





Ramai yang berkata, dugaan bertunang ni berat. Benarlah berat, dan menyakitkan. Lebih lama tempoh satu pertunangan, lebih banyak penyakitnya. Dan buat aku, sebelum tarikh ini sekalipun dah bermacam-macam penyakit yang datang, sedikit demi sedikit memakan kesihatan tubuh dan iman. 

Semoga Allah memberiku kekuatan demi kekuatan. 


Sesetengah orang melalui perjalanan yang mudah dalam menuju pernikahan, dan ada sebahagian yang diuji dengan perjalanan yang berliku-liku. Aku terpilih untuk berada di bahagian yang berliku-liku  yang memberi tekanan demi tekanan.


Jika ditanya bila saat yang paling tepat aku ingin menikah, ikhlas kukatakan bahawa saat itu sudah lama berlalu dan sudah dilupakan. Mungkin sudah tidak penting lagi kerana pernikahan bukan soal keinginan, ianya soal amanah, tanggungjawab dan pengorbanan. 

Mungkin aku belum memiliki kualiti seorang solehah yang sempurna, namun dalam tak malunya aku simpan seorang yang besar sebagai idola. Aku berdoa semoga Allah memberi kekuatan agar aku mampu meneladani walau sedikit T__T dan disayangi seperti Khadijah r.a yang menjadi kesayangan Nabi s.a.w hingga di hujung usianya.


Beliau yang sangat menjaga maruah dirinya,

Tidak pernah terburu-buru dalam memilih pasangan hidup, 

Tidak pernah melihat pada sudut material,


Berada di saat susah dan senang, 


Serta menjadi sumber kekuatan buat suami tercinta S.AW.








Taaruf..

Keadaan yang kita lalui tak akan selamanya sama, ibu bapa dan ahli keluarga juga malah mempunyai banyak sisi-sisi yang mungkin baru diketahui  dan sangat sukar difahami. Begitu juga pasangan kita, dia bukanlah malaikat yang  tidak ada cacat celanya. Justeru fasa  ini seolah-olah medan taaruf yang luar biasa, permulaan yang paling sulit. Mungkin sekadar ujian, ujian peralihan daripada seorang budak menuju dewasa , ujian dalam usaha mengikuti sunnah Rasul s.a.w dan mentaatiNya.


Aku sangat suka dengan tulisan Salim A. Fillah dalam kisah pernikahannya. Dia mentadabbur Al Baqarah ayat 155 mengenai ujian,


“ Macam ujian pertama yang Allah sebut dalam Surat Al Baqarah ayat 155 adalah "Al Khauf", yakni rasa takut, gelisah, khawatir, cemas. Tapi ujian adalah tantangan memaknai, bukan menguji kemampuan. Sebab telah diukur kadarnya, takkan melampaui kesanggupan.”


Ia bukan menguji kemampuan, tapi lebih kepada bagaimana kita memaknai segala perasaan saat diuji, ‘Al Khauf’. Dan bagaimana kita berusaha dan bertawakkal dalam melaluinya. Perasaan ini akan tetap ada, namun tak seharusnya menjadi penghalang untuk kita melepasi ujian-ujian tersebut.


Seperti nak memujuk anak kecil untuk merelakan tangannya dicucuk dan diambil darah, memang susah. Berlari, meronta, menjerit.  Kerana di dalam kepalanya ada berbagai persepsi yang menakutkan. 

Sedangkan kita tahu dia mampu. Kita tahu bila dicucuk, sakitnya cuma sementara, dan tangannya tidak akan cacat kerana dicucuk jarum yang kecil tu. Namun apakan daya, dia sedang berperang dengan perasaan khaufnya.


Seperti aku yang nak pro exam ni, memang begitulah T__T. Takutnya bukan main. Namun Allah dah lama susun semua ni kerana Dia tahu aku mampu. Sama ada aku mampu lulus, atau mampu menanggapi ujian kegagalan. Namun apapun natijahnya, Dia akan mengganjari setiap kesabaran dengan sebaik-baik ganjaran.
.

Berbalik pada kisah tadi, belum habis sebenarnya. 


Maka menjelang akad nikah itu putaran bumi pada paksinya seakan terasa dan matahari bersembunyi di balik retina. Pusing. Gelap. Tapi di depan sana petugas KUA sudah selesai meneliti berkas, memberi mukadimah, dan calon mertua sudah mulai mengulurkan tangan. 

Sejenak dia ragu menyambut salaman, sebab telapak Bapak itu seakan adalah pukulan seribu bayangan.
Tapi dia menguatkan diri dengan berusaha menghadapkan hati pada Ilahi. Dan memejamkan mata.

Dia ingat betul, para kekasih Allah juga memejamkan mata ketika perintah Allah terasa berat bagi mereka. Ibrahim 'Alaihissalam misalnya, ketika diperintahkan menyembelih putra tercinta, dia memejamkan mata sebagai tanda berserah diri pada Allah, berprasangka baik padaNya, dan tetap berjuang untuk taat meski terasa berat.

Maka diapun memejamkan mata sembari berharap akan ada keajaiban ketika nanti semua selesai. Tentu saja dia berharap keajaibannya tak persis sama dengan yang terjadi pada Ibrahim. Mempelai diganti kambing itu tidak lucu.



"Ya Allah, inilah aku hambaMu berusaha mentaatiMu dan mengikuti sunnah RasulMu, maka tolonglah dia mengatasi segala kelemahannya."



Dan benar, ketika dia membuka mata, hujan mulai turun, rintik gerimis rinai-rinai syahdu. Maka puisi hati berikutnya tertutur ketika pertama kali tangannya dicium sang istri dan hidungnya disentuhkan ke ubun-ubun berkerudung putih itu."





"Betapa sedihnya, langit yang kehilangan sesosok bidadari. Ia titikkan airmata, karena yang tercantik turun ke bumi. Inilah dia si jelita, mendampingiku di sisi." -Salim A. Fillah








Sunday, June 11, 2017

A thorn

56 days left before pro exam

16th of Ramadhan






I really hope that I could end this as soon as possible.

Whenever I saw other people doing so many of good things, doing da'wah, charity, ibadah, spending time with people etc, I hope that I can be a part of it. 

They are doing great, while i am struggling.

Struggling with my studies, my health, my family conflicts, my internal conflicts, my imaan.  

Many times I broke down in my salah and dua', and I asked Allah to ease the heaviness in my heart.



From Asmaa Hussein,

"As humans, we are often unable to apply different characters at one moment. For example, in the moment of anger we may not able to be merciful. When in love, we can be unjustly biased.

Allah s.w.t is the opposite. He is all of His beautiful names and attributes at once. He never ceases being merciful, even when He is angered. He never ceases being just, even if it is against those He loves. 

While I have been given a painful trial, I understand that Allah gave it to me out of His mercy."


The prophet s.a.w said, 

"No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but Allah will expiates some of his sins for that."

🌼(Bukhari)🌼







You just can't give up.

We often ask for His forgiveness. 

But one thing that we tend to forget, is to forgive ourself. 

To be patient with our own weaknesses and make peace with our own heart is as important as making peace with others.

Sometime i really did not realizes, by making a war in the inside, i'm burning every pieces of it that actually could heal.

You just need to be patient with the healing process. 

Biidznillah.


Saturday, May 6, 2017

Ups and downs.


Semalam ialah hari ke 4 posting emed (Emergency medicine).

Jujur bermula dari hari pertama, aku agak clueless setiap kali masuk ke ED.

Tak tahu nak mula dari mana. 
Kadang-kadang aku mengelamun sekadar memerhati. Blurr.

T.T



ED HUKM

Namun masuk hari ke 2, keadaan bertambah baik. Aku mula belajar dengan mengikut kawan yang jenis proaktif. Tak dapat buat procedure, sekurang2nya dapat assist, sampai aku dapat keberanian untuk buat sendiri.

Bila jumpa doktor yang cool dan bersemangat sikit, aku follow walaupun tak diajak. hu. Sekurang-kurangnya aku dapat tengok macam mana mereka handle patient di ED. Ramai yang kata, bila masuk ED jangan lepaskan peluang untuk buat real CPR, real itu dan ini. 

Tapi untuk orang macam aku, susah nak sampai ke tahap buat benda yang 'real' tu selagi tak lepas bahagian-bahagian 'ice breaking' di tempat baru. Masalah orang introvert.

T_T

Its okey. I am okey insyaAllah, knowing myself.

Aku tahu kelemahan diri, memang jujur aku ada masalah pede (percaya diri). Susah sangat nak yakin bila buat sesuatu. 

Macam dressing, setelah buat hampir 10 kali under supervision baru aku ada keyakinan nak redah buat sendiri. Nak ambil darah pun masih pilih2 lengan lagi. Nampak kalau chubby2 tak ada vein, terus rasa nak passing kerja kat MA atau staffnurse. Branula, sebelum buat pun dah ada mindset takkan masuk. 

Aku dengan ketidakyakinan jarang berpisah..


U____U


Tapi bila masuk final year ni, aku bersyukur Allah jumpakan aku dengan orang-orang baik. Walaupun kebanyakannya ialah orang yang aku tak pernah kenal, mereka berbuat baik denganku. 

Bermula dengan posting surgery, dapat SV yang baik-baik. Dapat mini c-ex pun dengan 2 orang specialist yang memang aku kagumi dan menjadi favourite baik di HUKM mahupun HTI. Mereka role model yang cemerlang dalam kerjaya, akhlak dan sahsiah. Bila aku tak pandai mereka tunjuk cara nak bagi pandai. Bila aku gugup masa assessment mereka bagi peluang untuk aku bertenang dan jawab. Pendek kata, mereka ialah role model yang bagus 🌸☕



Kemudian aku menjejakkan kaki ke posting peads.

Kat sini hidup aku mula berantakan. Jujurnya peads tak termasuk dalam senarai kesyukuran kerana ditemukan dengan orang yang baik-baik, namun aku bersyukur dengan sangat kerana Allah izinkan aku lalui posting ni sampai selesai dalam keadaan masih waras untuk menuntut ilmu walaupun mengalami tekanan jiwa. Dalam posting ni juga aku banyak kena viral fever dan URTI mungkin berjangkit dari patients, ditambah dengan immune badan yang lemah sebab stress. 

Namun rasa nak pengsan macam mana pun aku tak pernah ambil MC. Walau demam 39 degree, terpacak juga di ward. Siap ambil giliran jadi  prHO lagi (training for being HO). Semua self-endurance + self harming ni berpunca dari anxiety sepanjang berada di posting ni.

Huhu. Go away peads.
T.T


Masuk pula ke O&G selepas tu, aku dapat ward merah lagi. Ward ni memang terkenal dengan macam-macam kes mental trauma setiap kali ada grand ward round (GWR). Memang kena panggang pun waktu GWR sampai merah muka macam biji saga. 

Namun alhamdulillah aku tak traumatized sangat mungkin sebab dah pernah posting kat sini waktu 3rd year dulu. Anggap jelah macam balik kampung halaman, bak kata pepatah hujan emas di negeri orang, hujan batu di negeri sendiri. Lebih baik juga di negeri sendiri.

Di Slim River, O&G menjadi semakin menarik. Bidan kat sana bagi conduct dan assist beberapa delivery, siap bagi peluang jahit perineal tear. Alhamdulillah. Kalau nak bercerita mengenai O&G di Slim River ni, panjang lagi sebab best. Kat sana ada Dr. Kalai, yang tersangat humble dan berdedikasi mengajar. Aku memang suka Dr. Kalai walaupun cuak juga kadang2 sebab dia tegas. 





Teaching Dr. Kalai sangat practical based. Cara dia conduct teaching buat orang lemah semangat macam aku ni tambah berkeyakinan nak jadi doctor dan handle case2 yang bolehlah dikatakan macam mimpi buruk. Pesanan yang dia selalu ulang2 tiap kali kami buntu macam mana nak manage case ialah

"You cannot always say that you don't know what to do. Think !  Do not ever give up on your patient."

Patient PPH misalnya, mesti tahu macam mana nak manage dari A to Z.  Step2 simple sekalipun semua kena ingat. Dan bila kita jadi team leader, misalnya MO atau specialist oncall satu hari nanti, jangan takut nak bagi arahan bila ianya melibatkan nyawa. Lagi-lagi O&G yang memang terkenal dengan segala macam bleeding dan obstetrics emergency.

Bak kata Dr Kalai, sebagai manusia kita memang kena berbudi pekerti dan menjaga sahsiah diri. Namun ketegasan tetap perlu pada masa yang tepat.


"People will hate you, definitely when you turned out to become very particular as well as a little bossy in a critical condition. But its okey as long as your patient survive."

🌼 memang mantap 🌼


Di labour room HUKM pun aku bernasib baik juga, tiap kali oncall dapat attach dengan bidan dan MO yang baik2. Siap dapat buat procedure2, assist vacuum delivery, dan assist perineum repair lagi. Out of norm untuk labour room HUKM sebenarnya sebab pengalaman aku waktu 3rd year dulu agak seram sikit. Mungkin dunia dah terbalik demi kebaikan student dan sejagat. 

Enough with babies, alhamdulillah. Dengan penuh pengharapan dapat pegang baby sendiri satu hari nanti. Eh.

Jujurnya sepanjang posting O&G aku selalu down dengan life sendiri sebab tengok patient yang beranak banyak-banyak ni muda-muda belaka. Kadang-kadang aku sampai ternangis sebab depressed. Pernah terfikir aku ni kelak akan masuk golongan advanced maternal age ke, terdesak sampai poor spacing ke dan bermacam-macam lagilah. 

Jangan gelak. I'm not kidding T__T. 

After all, Allah know best. That's the only reassurance that works for me.

πŸ‘ΆπŸ‘ΆπŸ‘ΆπŸ‘ΆπŸ‘ΆπŸ‘ΆπŸ‘ΆπŸ‘ΆπŸ‘ΆπŸ‘ΆπŸ‘ΆπŸ‘Ά :)



Kemudian masuk family medicine (Famed). Bidang specialty yang menjadi idaman semua doktor yang berimpian nak kerja office hours macam aku. Cuma famed ni bukanlah specialty yang gampang sebenarnya. Failure rates untuk postgrad agak tinggi. 

Namun yang pentingnya, kebahagiaan boleh dikecapi sedikit sebanyak di posting ni. Aku suka cara bekerja di KK yang kurang tekanan, maka menjadikan hampir semua staff dan doktor di KK ni sangat cool dan bersopan santun.

Waktu aku di bahagian emergency KK Batu 9 dan 14, semua MA di situ sangat sempoi dan positif. Mereka beri peluang student kurang berpengalaman macam aku untuk buat procedure walaupun kadang-kadang aku ni melambatkan kerja mereka.


“Nak try? Nah kamu buat pula lepas ni. Jangan takut2, confident je.”

“Nak buat dressing? Boleh2.  Nah ambik patient ni. Barang2 semua kat sana. Kalau ada yang tak sure tanya je k.”


Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal.





Tergerak untuk menulis  kali ni dengan cara yang lebih positif insyaAllah, dengan harapan dapat memujuk diri. Sebab aku selalu lupa, Allah telah memberi nikmat yang sangat banyak 🌼

Dia lalukan susah dan senang silih berganti, namun aku keliru kenapa diri masih terus bersedih dan hidup dalam kepahitan yang sudah berlalu. Kita mungkin tak mempunyai teman yang menemani kita siang dan malam, namun Allah ada. 

He is always close to us. 

Mungkin aku agak lambat dan tak kuat, but i'm trying to recover from this illness bit by bit.

Slowly but surely insyaAllah :')








Little caliph

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. I've been thinking whether I should, but its quite tempting for me to write about this, which is about the p...