I tried to spend some time writing, as a warm up. Somehow unfortunately I need to take MUET examinations next months, which is very bothersome or else my university would never let me hold my MD scroll.
I was angry and deeply disappointed at first, but in the end after countless appealing, I accepted it as it is to keep my mind at peace. There's no use in fighting, when the other sides does not wish to help you through.
Just to make it clear, previously I took IELTS as required by by sponsor and passed with a good band. When later I was placed into UKM-UNPAD, the admin never told me that I need MUET in order to graduate in UKM. And now they are forcing me to sit for the exam just to complete the procedure.
Already 'melalut' from the real topics. hu.
.
So few weeks ago I bought a new book :)
Its about an experience of a caregiver, who has taken care of his beloved father in law, his biological father and his wife when they was diagnosed with cancer.
Somehow, I feel like I need to read this book to help me deals with my anxiety about cancer. 5 days before our solemnization, I noticed a lump in my left breast. About 2x2 cm, round, mobile, with smooth surfaces.
My knowledges told me that it is a fibroadenoma, but my emotions told me that I might have breast cancer. May Allah forbid. One week later after coming back from our vacation I went to Klinik Kesihatan for a checkup, because I can't just let this thing undiagnosed.
For a follow up, I chosed SOPD in Hospital Muar although its quite far compared to Melaka GH because I need to enter this hospital first and 'lawat kawasan' before being firm about choosing it in my E-Houseman soon. And ya, as expected HPSF is less crowdy, but its really far from my house. After visiting there as a patient, I felt more reluctant because I hate to think that I need to travel 45 min -1 hour daily for one way. Coming back and forth, it would be almost 2 hours.
Alhamdulillah alaa kulli hal. Everything comes for a reason.
Then its my turn to experience the classic triple assessment for my breast lump. One day before I went for my FNAC, I googled to read other people experiences that made me felt so scared. Can't even sleep well as I imagine how painful the procedure would be. I have experiences seeing the procedure in HUKM as well and as far as I can remember, the patients were in pain.
Now I understand why it is important for a caregiver to understand what the patient feels. In the book that I read, Dr. Azlan has been excellent in managing her wife anxieties. He took care of everything and blew away all worries to ease the burden of his wife. He acted as a genuine caretaker. A genuine caretaker is the very close trusted person who is ready to take charge of everything. They not merely a person who act as a guardian, but he/she is the strength, a person who can't fall sick in any ways, a person who would sacrifices because they are afraid of losing someone dear to them.
Thus for my husband to spend his time with me I felt grateful alhamdulillah. At least I'm not going there alone, succumbed in my fear and anxiety.
And the FNAC was not that painful. The procedures went well, I was poked only once and although the doctor needs to move around the needle here and there I did not felt much pain. The samples were adequate and I don't have much bleeding either. Alhamdulillah.
Its indeed true that fear can come to us without boundaries. Its only depend to us on how to control and limit it in order to have the strength. Hoping for a good news insyaAllah, regarding the samples taken. To have a slight thought about cancer is indeed frightening for those who experiences it :(
The book above did explain this kind of feelings. They experienced fears, but keeping it under control allowed them to move on and acted quickly in the most reasonable way to counter the time they have lost during the period when the cancer was not yet diagnosed. 3 Cancers in 10 Months give some insights about time. Looking at how the author cope with a tight time management while being a caretaker make me realize how much a desperation can move us. Inside and out.
 |
| Tenang ~ |
Looking forward to update soon, insyaAllah :')
No comments:
Post a Comment