I've been thinking whether I should, but its quite tempting for me to write about this, which is about the presence of a new little caliph.
Yes, here's a new little caliph is growing inside my uterus,
subhanallah, wa alhamdulillah ❤👶 :')
I did my pregnancy test quite early, about 12 days post ovulation day and there was a sudden very faint test line appeared. I feel deeply grateful, saying alhamdulillah for countless times and even cried subconciously. Although it was a faint line, I know its positive because I have been testing upt a few times before and there was never any double line appeared until this time. Alhamdulillah.
Before I continue, I am hopeful that anyone who read this would not feel anything negative, and I'm apologize if I'm overreacted or something. Only Allah and myself knew, how much I wish to be given a chance to be a murobbi for my own children and I prayed that everyone who is hopeful to be given this opportunity as well insyaAllah :)
For me, the feeling is overwhelmingly grateful because I don't feel like getting pregnant is easy like you'll definitely be pregnant after married. No, it's isn't, its actually a miracle of the Creator. Some people may just easily get it but it's not the case for everyone. Allah has an accurate timing for every couples, insyaAllah. I have seen many deep sorrows of subfertile couples, agonizing sadness of women with stillbirth, miscarriages, and countless unfortunate events regarding pregnancy things.
And being imperfect me, Its hard for me to trust myself. My efforts and tawakkal were highly laid to Him, the Creator. I have quite an irregular menses, dysmenorrhea in each cycle, and a doctor who once scanned me previously told me that I have a retroverted uterus which was sometimes (but quite rarely) linked with difficulty in conceiving.
From this I learnt that in whatever we wish to have, despite our knowledges, our imperfections, and our great efforts, do ask Allah to make it easy for us and do not lose hope :')
Being a murobbi should be one of our target throughout our lives. In fact, its a must. Previously when I was in my university, I was given chances to be a naqeebah for almost 8 years. While now, I don't even have a proper usrah yet on my own since after graduated. If you have the same experiences of being a murobbi, then you will know how lacking it is to not be able to do so. Its not because you don't have a jawatan, position in jemaah or whatsoever, but its because of the lack of the responsibilities which would slowly drag down your self-improvement efforts.
And I remembered ustaz Ir Faridul once told us, a murobbi is not merely for halaqah or usrah, but one of the ultimate outcome for our training as a murobbi is actually to make us ready for our own children's tarbiyyah in baitul muslim. Thus never despair whenever we see ourselves lacking as a murobbi in any means, because Allah is preparing us for something greater insyaAllah. Like one of the sahabah once said, if you are sincere to Allah, He would show the meaning of your intentions.
I pray to Allah, so that this blessings would make me and my husband a better muslim, growing our inner faith and taqwa, and ultimately to build a family that could serve the religion and ummah. Amiin.