Last week my little sister of ansorullah's has asked me to deliver a mini douroh for those ansorullah who did not yet receive the topic.
It was the SJ. Sayonara Jahilliyyah.
The sharing was just fine. But yet, during the sharing, I spoke with a tense voice while my heart tightened, and my eyes working hard not to let the tears falling down.
Dealing with jahilliyyah would never be easy. Its heartbreaking.
When you mention about the akhlak of jahilliyyah, you remember of how you behave. How many times you lost the grip of temper that separate you apart from patience.
When you mention about the fact of not knowing Allah, not knowing islam, you'll remember of how much you have disobeyed Him although you have been thought about islam. And the fact of how much you have preached people to obey Allah, while yourself are being disobedient.
When you mention about tabarruj jahilliyyah, you'll start thinking... which part of yourself has been covered properly. Sometimes we might be able to cover properly in the external, but internally, it is always an uncertainty. Truly I can't be sure whether I have sufficiently hijab my eyes and heart, neither if my manners has been under the limits of how it suppose to.
It was such a heartbreaking when you speak and preach people without done with yourself. It was a heartbreaking when you lose those strength while people are expecting strength from you. It was a complete heartbreaking to think of, because in fact, we are dealing with our faith to Allah.
There is one part of sayonara jahilliyyah that resolve all the doubts. These are the wala' to Allah, Rasulullah and the mukmineen. Dr. Ali Abdul Halim Mahmud has described the meaning of wala' in three words, which are the Al-Qurb (closeness), Al-Nusrah (helping), and Al-Mahabbah (loving). To deal with jahilliyyah, see how much have you done this and to what extent.
Loving Allah and Rasulullah s.a.w more than everything else, I'm saying it. Sometimes my mother asked me, why can't you just accept one of those men who has come for your heart. You are not getting younger, to have a someone in promise is good at least. When my mother spoke from her heart about this, it broke my heart. As It was'nt because I dont like those men. I am not even choosy. It is just that I'm afraid to lose Him because of him. I am afraid that one day I can't do the biggest sunnah of the prophet s.a.w because I have chose the wrong person.
People might love you for anything that you have, but they might not agree with what you do. I love my mother abundantly but it would never be more than Allah and the prophet s.a.w. I wish she also has those feeling, loving Allah and the prophet s.a.w even more than her daughters and sons.
Missing my mum already :')
p/s: I'm having some hard and sweet moments here lately :) Hard with the bulk of work to do, but sweet when I know Allah is watching :)