bittersweet.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

"At times we need people to understand

Sometimes we are too weak to drive

Even sometimes too tired to walk

Too sleepy to open our eyes."

-Dr M

Reading a status by Dr. M, a houseman in ppukm, reminded me of myself.

Everyone have their own struggles. Once my supervisor said that, di antara tanda-tanda deppression and sadness pada seseorang ialah

loss of early morning awakeness and spirit


And this is one of the common thing that can happen, to you and me.



Bila bangun pagi, feeling lost and numb.

Teringat masalah semalam yang belum selesai.

Terasa penat badan yang belum hilang.

Hari ni pula ada benda baru yang nak disettlekan.


Kadang-kadang kita call rumah dengan harapan untuk release stress tu, but it wont work in every times. Parents want to ventilate their feelings too.

Thus sometimes all this feelings make us forgot to cheer up and smile. Jumpa orang pun muka keruh je. And as a result we got the tension type of headache T.T 

Teringat di surgery dulu, ada seorang houseman yang pregnant. One of the thing that I remembered about her is how sweet and calm she is. Di ppukm selalunya tak banyak sangat houseman, thus the workload is high.

Di surgery department, semua orang bergerak dengan sangat pantas. Even some of the surgeon use a roller blade to move around -,-. Ward round pula banyak kali, mula-mula MO round, kemudian specialist, and bila consultant surgeon datang diorang akan round lagi start dari awal. 

Selalu sy tengok houseman kat sini bergerak macam kelawar, dengan white coat beterbangan, jalan macam lipas kudung. huhu.

Kembali pada houseman yang tadi. Dia dengan pregnantnya berjalan sana sini T.T. Sampaikan ada sekali tu waktu ward round, ada surgeon yang complaint sebab dia lambat. Bayangkan bila orang complaint pasal kita. Makhluk yang bernama houseman ni apatah lagi, dah namanya kasta paling bawah memang selalu kena T.T.

Tapi kakak dokter ni, macam mana stress pun situasi tu, dia senyum je. Banyak maniskan muka dan nampak sangat tenang. Tak nampak depressed pun. Even tak takut-takut macam sesetengah houseman lain. She just continue to do her job.

Its like, 

after all life must go on. 

hu. 


Bila tengok orang macam ni, somehow kita jadi terinspirasi. I think it is not because she never get mad or upset, but she just choose to get over it. Entah dari mana dia dapat continuous positive vibes tu. 

Macam pokok, orang baling batu, kita balas dengan buah.

There are doctors when they got very tired and busy they'll just kick you off. Lantaklah korang students, korang bukan tahu pape pun. But for a certain doctor,  they know students are there to learn thus even if they are somewhat very busy and cannot do a proper teaching, at least they'll do running commentaries in every procedures they did.

May Allah bless these kind-hearted people :) 

Thus, biidznillah..

Somehow its a choice, 

of what kind of people we want to be. 

What kind of spirit we want to carry on. 

And to build a larger heart <3

:')