Indecisive

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

These few weeks I had been busy since I am working to finish my undergraduate research. 

I know that I'm being quite meticulous with the study, because I'm interested.

It's a retrospective study, about cornea transplant that they had done in UKMMC. Cornea transplant is not rare to be done nowadays. Thus in the future if anyone want to know about this, I would be very glad to share insyaAllah.

To be able to see, is precious. Everyone knows that.

:')

<3

Nowadays since we are in final year, many of us talked about postgraduate plan.

Where to go for housemanship,

Where to stay for MOship,

Going into specialty or not,

etc.

And I am still indecisive, because it was not easy.

Apabila ditanya pada yang lebih tua, setakat ni semuanya mempunyai pandangan yang sama, a definite answer.


"Become a specialist, of course."

"Takkan nak jadi dokter biasa je."

"Nanti kerja kat hospital sekian2."


From there I already know what should I do. Which is to stop asking for an opinion.

Kadang-kadang kita sesama manusia kurang bersikap memahami sebelum memberi pandangan. We simply give an 'ideal' answer without thinking about the person. 


Did you know, 


Dunia ni luas, tapi yang menyempitkan tu ialah kita.

Grateful

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

A few days ago I went to a photo shop, to get some of the digital pictures printed. About 40+ pictures from various memories, that I thought were significant and precious. 

Some of raya’s pictures, pictures with usrahmates, batchmates in Bandung and in PPUKM, engagement day, hiking in Broga, with akhawats in Ikram Siswa, and also some of unique pictures of Fatim’s, my nephew. One day when Fatim has grow up, I want to show him how adorable he was when he once a toddler <3

Sudah berapa tahun lamanya tidak mencuci gambar, rasa teruja sikit.. Kemudian pergi ke kedai DIY dan beli album. Nak simpan gambar kan :)


Bila dah susun semua gambar cantik-cantik, sy simpan di rak buku yang paling hampir. Sebaris dengan buku-buku medic yang dah disusun siap-siap khusus untuk kegunaan final year dan pro exam kelak, insyaAllah. 

Somehow I feel like doing this, and started to feel how it affects my mood. Bila dah mula hambar membaca buku, daripada scroll facebook kadang-kadang sy tukar pada membelek album. 

By doing this, I feel better, happier,

and grateful.


Kehidupan kita memang takkan lari dari masalah dan pengalaman yang pahit.

Benda yang pahit ni walaupun kecil, dia selalu menguasai seluruh perasaan. Macam tergigit buah pelaga waktu makan nasi beriyani. Walaupun nasi beriyani tu sedap dan penuh sepinggan, boleh hilang selera andai tergigit buah kecil ni.

Isn’t it..? hu.


Macam tu juga perjalanan hidup. 

Lepas belek semula gambar-gambar, mula menyedari bahawa Dia telah memberi dengan sangat banyak.

Masih sihat tubuh badan, tidak pula Dia menjadikan kita cacat anggota, berwajah huduh yang luar dari biasa dan tidak juga dijadikan papa kedana. 

Bila tengok gambar raya, tersedar lagi betapa baiknya Allah. Dia memberi sebuah keluarga dan tempat meneduh kasih. Walaupun  ada kelemahan di sana sini, ianya masih lebih daripada mereka yang tiada keluarga dan ibu bapa.

Tengok pula gambar akhawat dan ahli usrah. Tak mungkin dapat dibayangkan bagaimana diri jika tak pernah bersama dengan orang-orang ni. I am not a very religious person since the very beginning, and did not come from a very religious family either. Thus I believe that I am lucky enough to meet them. 

Kemudian batchmates. Buat medic ni ialah antara benda yang pahit dalam hidup, rasanyalah. Hu. Tapi kehadiran kawan-kawan sedikit sebanyak menjadikannya manis dan bermakna. Belajar sama-sama, present SOCA, berlatih OSCE, posting yang bermacam posting. At least we are in this mess together :)

Then the engagement pictures.   

Regardless all the hurdles, tears and difficulties, I am grateful, alhamdulillah.

:')

My cousin's son holding flowers that was later used in hantaran's decorations :)

We never know what would happen in the future. PadaNyalah segala doa dan tawakkal dipanjatkan.

Bukankah kita yang selalu meminta padaNya,

ya Rabbana, 

Hab lana, 

Min azwajina Wa dzurriyyatina,

Qurrata A'yunin

waj'alna lil-muttaqina imama


Ustadh Nouman once explained that in this ayah from the suratul furqan, the term used is 'hablana' (grant us) which is different from the usual term 'atina' (give us). In malay it is translated as 'anugerahkan kami'.

Because it is a very special and meaningful to any person.  

And Qurratu a'yun is a phrase that implicates the tears of joy and happiness. 

" As far as ancient Arab is concerned, two things have to do with coolness of the eyes (qurratu a'yun). The first one is about shedding tears of joy, being so happy that you move to tears, and secondly, it’s about finding refuge, finding some kind of safety.

That means that we should be so happy with our spouse and children, that upon just seeing them, we are moved to tears of happiness. 

It also means that the outside world when you go to work, or for your education, or for whatever reason, the outside world is like a storm. But when you come home, you finally find your refuge; you meet with the coolness of your eyes when you enter the house."
sources


Keep on praying, until He grant us such kind of happiness and refuge,

insyaAllah.

May He grant us,

a heart that never lose hope,

and a soul that never deviate,

in every trial and ease, 

<3