Saturday, December 31, 2016



I opened my old jurnal, and found a note written by one of them before I came back to Malaysia.

Whom one time ago being the kid, the adik-adik. ;)

"Kakak! I love your personality. Your innershine was potrayed outside. 
May Allah guide you through His path."

I thought this sound so innocent from an innocent soul of her. Because her thought was so kind <3

She saw good in people and expressed good things. That's lovely.

Unfortunately, I'm not a darling like what she thought. 


When I entered peadiatrics in my final year, I'm partially dead inside. Being hardworking, dedicated, and at the same time keeping your sanity was extremely difficult. I know that slowly and proggressively, I'm losing myself.

You even forgot how to smile.

You expressed too much of negative emotions.

I wondered why I can't be good. Maybe because I lose those so called 'innershine'. You can't be such a darling if you lose it. 

Sometimes i thought, when other people can be cruel and selfish, why I should'nt be one?  
Simply said, that is how pressure overrule ourselves. 

Have you ever heard and read Fireworks lyrics in the code blue drama series? 


"I wonder how much value there is throughout this world i'm living,
Everything feels meaningless,
Maybe i'm just a little worn out."

You see, you are just worn out. But not yet dead.

"Putting what I have obtained on one hand,
I see the radiance of several thing I cast away on the other.
It isn't such a peaceful world,
That I can grieve over every single one."

And you can't have everything. Stop grieving for what you lose. Look at what you gained on the other hand.

Sometimes sadness overwhelmed us because we want so much of things.. And we think that we should gained everything at one particular time. 

So little we know, that Allah know us better.


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