This few days, I found that once I fall asleep, it would be a very, very deep sleep.
Until I felt like having a retrograde amnesia after waking up. hu
Might be exhausted, the effects of heavy rain in KL, or just because I really want to get the essence of resting.
Beberapa hari hujan lebat di KL membawa banyak perubahan. On the way ke hospital, aku mula sedar betapa suasana pagi bertukar jauh lebih redup. Alhamdulillah.
Selepas usrah tempoh hari, sempat berbual dengan salah seorang usrahmate. She is a few years older than me, sudah menjadi MO. I just knew her for about one and half years, but within this very short time I've witnessed many changes in her phase of life. Daripada bujang, berkahwin, mengandung, bersalin, pertukaran department dan sebagainya.
Selama ni di pandangan mata saya, dia tersangatlah kuat and i could say, have going through things very well. Even now got a cute baby to play with :)
But no, she told me. It was a damn hard experiences. Yes it was wonderfull, but yet challenging. Fasa adaptasi ni sangat memenatkan. The overwhelming thought and feeling cannot be avoided. Walaupun di luaran kita nampak normal, tapi di dalam sebenarnya berserabut.
Too much of things. Too tired of something. Confused of everything, tired of fullfilling people expectations.
Why am I writing this, ialah supaya kita sedar.
Because I'm afraid when we even stumble before reaching those phase in which we were expected to go through in the future.
See, at that phase you still need to be here in dnt and have to figure out the ways to survive.
Setiap benda akan jadi besar bila kita fikir hanya kita seorang yang ada masalah ni.
Isn't it.. ?
But no, look around us.
Sebagai seorang yang terbiasa menjadi 'kaunter aduan', I'm telling you that cumulatively everyone carry this kind of emotional baggage.
Ramai yang BFG mengeluh tak boleh adapt. Susah sangat nak buat dnt kat Malaysia ni. Susah sangat nak menghirup tarbiyyah macam dulu.
Yang bertukar usrah juga tak terkecuali. Banyak perkara yang digambarkan
'tidak seperti dulu'
This is one of the listed problem that keep on arising zaman berzaman, namun sukar diselesaikan dengan saksama lebih-lebih lagi dengan pengurusan insan-insan lemah di sebalik tabir yang juga sedang ditarbiyyah.
Yes, I know everyone has a better experiences once upon a time in tarbiyyah.
Me too :')
Benda inilah yang selalu JK tarbiyyah, naqibah, PIC dan segala JK lain struggle nak uruskan. Entah apa yang mereka asyik syurokan. But very often failed to reach the expectations.
Jadi jangan terlalu mengharapkan mereka.
We should also do something for ourselves.
As we move on in life, akan banyak lagi situasi 'tidak seperti dulu' yang akan kita lalui. Kena mula berlatih dari sekarang
Learn to cherish our own tarbiyyah.
As simple as things in usrah, or in other wasilah. I know to gather everyone is very difficult, but try anyway. If you can't meet in a proper liqo, do it casually in lunchtime, jogging time, in whatsapp group or whatsoever. Initiates things, discuss problems.
And, don't be too hard on our sisters. Reduce our expectations. As condition changes, we have to learn that people also need some adaptations in life. besederhanalah.
Lastly, ialah pengajaran yang boleh kita dapatkan daripada mereka, saudara kita di sana.
Kadang-kadang terfikir, banyak benda kita boleh belajar daripada sisters and brothers in syria, palestine, egypt etc. How amazingly they adapt with major changes and trauma in life. And they indeed survived, moving on, become stronger.
How amazing, isn't it :')
Kadang-kadang terfikir, budak-budak ni tak ada PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) ke, tak ada adjustment disorder ke, berapa ramai yang stress sampai develop major depression, atau sampai develop schizophrenia. Why they are smiling like that.
We never know. But hey they are smiling.
We indeed should thank them, because they did so much for us.
Stay there, stay strong. InsyaAllah.
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