suicide

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Yesterday, in a session with prof M, our supervisor in the psychiatry posting, she suddenly shared a lot of things. Beberapa jam sebelum tu kami mengikut beliau melawat seorang patient psikiatri di wad surgeri. This patient has stabbed herself with a knife which was described as an impulsive act after a stressful event.

Beberapa kali aku pernah terfikir, why people commit suicide. 

why.

Sekarang jawapannya ada, di posting psikiatri..

Ada satu soalan yang kurasakan menarik prof tanyakan pada patient,


"If magic things could happen, what thing would you like to have in this world ?"


She simply replied,


"I want a normal family."


Simple je kan. Benda yang ramai ada, yang tak berupa magic sangat pun. Namun sesimple perkara sekalipun, ianya bermakna bagi orang yang tak berpeluang merasainya.

**nangis**

Petang tu prof bercerita panjang mengenai patient ni. The suicide attempt was not merely an incident, but it could be an ultimate action after a series of longstanding events. Malah dari kecil lagi. Kerana ayah yang tidak bertanggungjawab, she as the eldest has took many responsibilities and been taking care of the family.

Prof said to us,

Apabila seseorang itu berada di fasa kanak-kanak, seharusnya dia menjadi kanak-kanak. She should be playing, studying, been loved. Not holding responsibilities as the leader of the family. Bila proses ni terganggu, a negative dynamic changes might happen in the inside. Pressure will build up, perceptions to the life and surroundings might change.

**Teringat kanak-kanak palestine dan syria T__T**


This patient, she kept on giving, but not getting enough for herself.

Hingga prof memberi analogi gelas. Kita takkan mampu mengisi gelas orang lain, sekiranya gelas kita sendiri kosong. How painful it is. I remembered one episode in House MD, when a new mother develop psychosis and tried to kill her newborn baby.

When the father started to blame his wife for everything, Dr. House told him,

"I know that people don't get crazy enough to kill someone without first being crazy enough for someone to notice.

How many times did you go out for a drink because she was crying ?

How many times did you stay at work because you could'nt listen to her telling you what a bad mother she is ?

You were relieved when she shut down. Just sat staring for hours at a time.

She held a pillow over her head. You slept while she went nuts."


.....................................


Being a psychiatrist is not easy, isn't it..

Many times I thought how observant they are. When we met the patient for about half an hour, we did not realize much. Prof asked us, 

what do you think her MSE is.?

Normal. We think she looked normal. 

Then she said to us,

I think she is still mildly depressed.

Our supervisor noted that although the patient emotions has improved, the patient only smiled once throughout the conversation. And it was a very brief and thin smile after hearing a spontaneous joke.

hu T.T

If you are not willing to observe, you will not see. Same like if you did'nt wish to help, you will not see there's help needed.